Let it Go

Let's get real about being a mom. Every week a homeschool mom is faced with challenges of fitting everything "neatly" in the box of time.  We know what is important- spend time with the kids, get the household chores finished, take time to refill for yourself!    

How do we "let things go" and what do we "let God" do? When do we take up a task and sacrifice another? Do we pray daily for God to order our steps through what we need to do that day? Do we ask God for grace to not just get done what we need to do, but to

   find joy 

during the day as we do them?

Here's a helpful and encouraging post from our homeschool mom writer, Kristi:

You've seen the poems about how mommy should just cherish the hand prints on the windows and ignore all the housework while the babies are still babies.  I'm just not one of those people who can “let it go”.  I apologize if the out-of-control, chart-topping song is now perpetually playing in your head.  You're in good company. I have a seven year old daughter.  

 Anyway, I'm talking about housework.  I can't let it go.  I would seriously need medication to enable me to ignore a dirty or untidy house.  I will admit that my standards have lowered after having kids.  I mean, they are home ALL the time.  It would drive me into the ground (and have no purpose or meaning) if my house was constantly clean.  But, I still haven't let it go, not completely.  My apologizes again for the catch phrase.  My need for a clean house dates back to, um, forever.  I always kept a clean bedroom when I was younger.  I cleaned my own bathroom, made my bed everyday, etc...  During summer break I would surprise my mom when she returned home from work with vacuumed carpets, polished furniture, clean dishes and folded laundry.  She would be over-joyed, as you can imagine.  I still have issues with people-pleasing, but that's another topic for another day.   

I would visit a friend's house and admire, NOT judge, how they were able to have such a cool, care-free room.  I wanted to be like that.  I still want to be like that.  Oh, how I wish I could not be bothered by a knick-knack being out of place in any given spot in my home.  Sometimes, as I am arranging it back to its rightful spot, I think to myself, “There is something seriously wrong with me.” I'm pretty sure I even shake my head in shame at myself.  Enough with the therapy session.  I wanted to give some practical help to anyone that might be a little like me, bless your heart.  

Let me say something about when I was a newlywed.  I had a sweet little 9-5 job and was off on Fridays.  It really was a sweet little job, I was a four-year-old preschool teacher.  Jon and I rented a tiny two-bedroom, one bath house and it was always clean.  But Friday was my assigned “house cleaning and laundry day”.  Our laundry was even ironed at the end of the day, and put away. The house couldn't have been any cleaner and I did it all in one day.  Then after I cleaned it, it would STAY clean.  I would enjoy and admire a job well done and welcome my groom home with a candle-lit dinner and even have make up on when he got home!!  Yeah,  my standards have lowered. 

 A couple of years went by and along came Mae.  My standards of a clean house lowered a tad, but I just split up my house cleaning day and laundry day.  Bam.  Problem solved.  Plus, I enjoyed cleaning her toys along with my regular cleaning day.  I thoroughly enjoyed putting her little toys and sippy cups onto the drying rack.  I loved folding those tiny baby socks and onesies.  I loved collecting her toys and putting them back into her toy basket at the end of the day.  It was such a joy!!  I. am. so. weird.  (shaking my head in shame, again.)  

 So, just the other day I was playing along with Jake and his little people bus and barn when I realized how sticky and grimy they were.  I would need a pressure washer to remove the stuck on dust from those toys.  If they were in a consignment sale in that condition, I would pass them right by.  I mean, who treats their toys like that anyway??   

So, my standards have lowered without my even noticing it.  Still, I try to keep up with the major cleaning jobs and encourage my kids to carry out their chores as well.  If the housework starts to go down hill, so does my mood and attitude.  It's a bad mood trigger for me...as are loud noises, foul odors, not eating or sleeping regularly.  I can get angry.  You are asking yourself, “Why did this woman have kids???!!  How did she survive?”. My reply is that 

I survived by the grace of God, for real. 

 I love my kids enough to ignore all of those negative things about parenting so I don't go completely crazy. 

 My Heavenly Father also loves me too much to leave me without his strength,

patience and perseverance. 
 I've learned a few things to help me cope and keep myself from climbing the cliffs of insanity.  Pause and Pray.  I also play  calm music regularly.  Right now, as I type, Pandora is comforting me with hymns for worship radio.  I diffuse essential oils like lavender and chamomile.  How do I deal with missed meals and an irregular sleeping pattern? {Confession}  I eat too much sugar and drink too much caffeine.  

I have too many children, too many other responsibilities with homeschooling, and my house is larger now to be able to do laundry and clean in one day.  So, I set a schedule for the week to be able to accomplish all my tasks.  There are weeks when I veer off schedule and it can be a source of irritation.  Those are weeks that I just become undisciplined.  I have to treat it like my job.  I set up my week to do some of the easier tasks on days when we usually have other obligations.  Here's my plan of attack:

Monday:  Bake bread, make snacks for the week

              Plan Menu, grocery shop

                  (morning home-school, 1:20 music lesson, 4:00 ballet)

Tuesday:  Kids' Laundry and linens, dust/polish

                  (9:30-2:00 Classical Conversations/Mae's Piano Lesson)

Wednesday:  My Laundry (and Jon's too!)

                  (10:00-12:00 Bible Study, home-school after lunch)

 Thursday:  Clean bathroom or kitchen (alternate weeks)

                  (Home-school at home all day, possible playdates)

Friday:  Clean Floors, mop and vacuum (steam mop most weeks, and wet mop once a month)

                  (Home-school at home all day, possible playdates)

Saturday:  Pinterest Projects, Yard Work

Sunday:  REST!

I also have a “Minimum Maintenance” list that I attempt to accomplish every day.  This includes the following:  wipe down sink and toilet in three bathrooms, change hand towels, make beds, sweep floors in kitchen and dining room, empty/load dishwasher, spot vacuum dog hair (we have an indoor great Pyrenees pup).  

So that is the plan, here is the reality.  Just keeping it real.  Sometimes it just doesn't get done.  One of my favorite daily prayers is, 
 

 "Lord, gather my thoughts and order my steps."

  Sometimes the Lord has something else for me to accomplish during the day that I didn't anticipate. So I have to give my time to something else.   There's a give and take with everything.  I find myself wondering if it would be easier if they were at school, but what would be the "give" in that??  I'd have to give up precious time with my kids, give up the Lord's call on my life.  Remember, I've never known what it's like to send kids to school.  But I know there's a give and take somewhere and it's probably not any easier at all.

So here is this mommy's teachable moment. 

 It happened while I was cleaning. I remember one summer, nearly three years ago, I sent Mae to a VBS at a nearby church where some of our family friends are members.  Nate was too young to go and Jake wasn't even a year old.  Jake took a nap while she was at VBS and Nate was quiet and content.  Nate has always been so good at entertaining himself quietly.  He only gets wound up when Mae is around.  This instance she was away was one of the first that made me realize she was the instigating factor in Nate's rowdiness;  They are quite a combination of characters.  

 Anyway, while she was gone I was vacuuming the living room and thought to myself, “Mae could totally go to Kindergarten at a school next year and I could have these kind of moments five days a week!”.  Well, that thought lasted about two seconds before God put me in my place. 


That still, small voice (I tend to hear it best while I'm cleaning or showering, surprising enough) specifically told me,
 

“I haven’t called you to that.  You will not rejoice in that decision or find peace in it.  I have called you to home-school.”

   God tells us in His word that "He who has begun a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6 
He also reminds us that He knows the plans He has for us; plans to prosper and not harm us, to give us a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. 

 This is encouraging to us that 
1. God will give us what we need each day to whatever He has given us to do and
2. He will complete that work through us. His will WILL be done. 

I have pondered that moment from the Lord over and over in my heart.  I'm fairly certain that if I attempted to take my kids to a public or private school, my van might possibly be swallowed by a whale on the way.  God has affirmed that homeschooling is the plan He has for our family.  He empowers and enables me to do what He has called me to do, day after day.  Reminding me. Loving me. Giving my grace for my moments, like those moments when I feel like I'm going to loose it when the house becomes a disaster in the matter of minutes.  Not to say my human nature doesn't creep in from time to time and turn me into the exact thing I don't want to be.  Read Romans 7.   

So thankful for His grace.